I stumbled across a discussion online accusing Zohran Mamdani of lying for calling someone ‘Aunt’ who wasn’t related to him by blood or marriage. I found this rather amusing.

Anyone from an African background knows that deciphering true relationship dynamics based on the honorific used is like trying to unravel a jumbled-up Christmas lights, with just as much jeopardy if you get it wrong.

In my culture, kinship is not so much about genetics but more so about respect community and relationships.

Here’s my rule of thumb:

Everyone older than you but younger than your mother is an Aunty or Uncle. If they are about your mothers age and you don’t know them well, also an aunty. If you know them, then they are a Ma, Mama, Mummy, Papa and so on.

For example, my friend’s mum I would call Mummy and her older siblings will automatically become my uncles and aunties. My friend remains a friend, but my mum’s friend’s children, who may or may not be friends of mine, are my cousins. Cousins also refer to your actual cousins however many times removed. Anyone who has ever lived with you become your siblings. Period.  

While I would call my friend by her name, my mother rarely does this. Her friends are Mama or Baba (insert child’s name here). Which child’s chosen also varies, usually the first child or the last child. Middle children, as is tradition across all cultures, are largely ignored in the naming equation. On rare occasions, the chosen name belongs to the child born closest to when the friendship began regardless of birth order. This trick is also used when you are not quite sure how old someone is, it saves the embarrassment of calling someone your age or younger aunty. If unsure and there are no children involved, the honorific Sister or brother is deployed as a kind of “in case of emergency break glass” option.

Obviously, anyone older than my mother then graduates to being called Grandma or Grandpa.

To confuse things further, my sisters, who are significantly older than me, I use the honorific Aunty.  My sons also call them aunties, as do my friends. My sons call my friends aunties and so the cycle continues.

So, if you ask an African what their relationship is to someone and they say aunty, cousin or Grandma. It is very likely that they are not related at all by blood.

It’s all really simple. Isn’t it?